I am stronger than I often feel.

Because Christ has given me life and purpose and reason and meaning and grace and love and…Himself.

Which is enough. Which is more than enough.

jedbrewer:

…Remember this one thing: God loves you.

He loves you, right now, today, exactly where you are.

Exactly how you are.

He isn’t confused about you. He gets that you’re a sinner. He loves you anyway.

He isn’t unsure about you. He made you with a plan and a purpose. And he still wants to give it…

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Sometimes, I think God is out to get me. Sometimes, I think that just because I want something, God is not going to give it to me so that He could teach me a lesson. I would ask Him for the Big Thing all the while thinking that there is no way that He would say yes because He’s not that nice. He’s not going to give me what I want because maybe, just maybe, I would like the Big Thing more than I like Him. 

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And maybe it’s true, that I do want the Big Thing more than I want God, sometimes most of the time. Why do I want the Big Thing, anyway? Because I believe that it will make me happy and that I deserve that happiness. I work for it and become frustrated and miserable if I don’t get it. If I don’t receive it or obtain it or achieve it, I don’t feel fulfilled. It’s an idol, now, and God witholds it from me because He knows it.

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And so I say, “Okay, I get it. You’ve resisted my requests in order to show me that I”m selfish, an idolator, and a control freak. Thank you. I appreciate You making me wait. I think it has made me a better person, and I have learned my lesson. So um, now that I’ve passed the test, can I have the Big Thing I’ve been waiting for?”

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In a hundred different ways, He replies, “No, you can’t have it, and here’s why: I’m jealous for you, and I love you with an everlasting love.” Ex 20:4-5, Jer 31:3

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It’s not an answer I want. I had hoped He would be thrilled that I have been handling things maturely and, as a reward, give me the Big Thing. Instead, all I get is His repeated assurance that He loves me.

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Why is it not enough? Maybe I don’t understand yet that the Big Thing has to be a gift. It can’t be a trophy. It can’t be the reward for my waiting. Christ has to be my reward. Christ has to be the One, the Thing, that I’m waiting for and hungering after and desiring. I have to begin waiting on God, not the Big Thing (which really isn’t that big at all). Christ has to be more than enough. The big thing will never be enough, and it’s so easy for me to begin believing in the lie that the gifts from God will satisfy more than God himself.

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Easy to say and easy to think. Believing is another matter; there are no shortcuts. Just waiting, struggling, praying, listening, trusting, resting, waiting, waiting, waiting. Maybe it’ll never come. Maybe my request will never be granted. But that doesn’t mean God is out to get me. I have to remember that it means He loves me. Everything He gives and doesn’t give is an action out of His love for me. 

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The big thing may be good. It may make me happy. But I have to remember that God is better. Far, far, better. And He’s worth it all. 

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This is like the days of Noah to me:

as I swore that the waters of Noah

should no more go over the earth,

so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you,

and will not rebuke you.

For the mountains may depart

and the hills be removed,

but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,

and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,”

says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

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Isaiah 54:9-10 ESV